Sianz...

Been kinda down the past couple of weeks... Time pass quickly when you're happy, but when spirits are low, I tend to find myself thinking alot about what I really want to do. I was watching the speech that Steve Jobs gave at Standford U's graduation couple of years back from another friend's blog. Truth is, I've already read the transcript before... my boss was kind enough to print it out for me... I think that was 3 weeks after I started workng. For me, the message I got was... that "life's too short, to do something that you don't love".

I went for a short getaway to Batam from Thursday to Saturday, making use of the Labour Day holiday, and also took one day leave (which I also used to go register my marriage with the Malaysian Embassy). I enjoyed the holiday, but it could've been much better if it hadn't been planned in between a hectic period at work. It was myopic planning on my part, but... alas... lately I'm not totally sure if there are lull periods at all for this industry.

I don't have the balls to divulge too much information about work, cuz it is sensitive and might offend people (I really dunno who reads these crappy rantings). As the story goes, I am handling some projects at my office, and sometimes one project demands more attention than the other. This led to a compromise in terms of my commitment to the other project, which then, caused me to have to rely on my other team member for that project. I was then asked for a one-to-one session, at which I was told that everyone has to handle their own share of work, that everyone is busy. If someone lapses, another has to cover that person's portion of work, which is unfair. Time management, it seems, is not my strong trait.

So I was told...

To be honest, I don't like to have to delegate my job to other people. I really want to be able to perform... Unfortunately, I also don't think that "handling too many jobs" is a fair excuse. Sometimes life dishes me these sorta wake-up-calls to make me think twice. And now, I wonder if it really is about my poor time management skill that's causing all these. There really are seniors in the office who are handling more jobs than I am...

During the session, I was told I cannot "just do design", that there are alot of other aspects of this job that I need to get a hold of to become a all-rounder. To that my answer was "there isn't any part of the job that I really hate". Which is true... What I really dislike is having too many thoughts in my mind at one time, on different projects, which is sometimes very distracting and keeping me from doing any one task at hand properly.

Sad to say, I don't think I am well honed enough to be quick at design. But alas, there isn't the luxury of time that I used to enjoy while in school. This also has to change...

While all these things are happening, I was also told by a senior, that work is not life. There must be a good balance. While it is important to perform at work, I'm also trying not to let it take over my entire life. I don't want to work 12-14 hours a day everyday. When was the last time I followed up on my hobby of making toy dioramas...? My flickr tells me that the last time was in 2008.

Perhaps, it's also good not to be too self absorbed with all these sadness. Went with Chet to an aki gatherings to celebrate my friends' Master Thesis submission, and had a good time. I got to introduce her as "Mrs Kho", and I'm happy to know my friend got his dream job, and another got attached... So, happy stuff that happen to other people does lift your own spirits too!

And about Steve Job's advocation for everyone to do what they love, I'm not sure I've found mine yet. My next hurdle is QP. I'll get that done, and then consider my next direction in life... In the meantime, I'll do some serious pondering... I'm getting good at it... pondering...